Looks like i ain't the onli one wif a hidden agenda in class huh. Well i guess thats wat the exams do to u, or rather the stress that it brings along wif it. Thought being a treasurer wld b cool, esp wif the extra class funds to siphon off at the end of graduation...well looks like money is after all the root of all problems. The road to the prelims boils down to a mere 3 wks. It's nw or nvr.

Sometimes when i sit down alone and reflect upon the number of true friends i relly have, it boils down to no less than the number of fingers I possess. Friends i hav sure, as do everyone else in this world, but most r merely passing aquaintainces. I try hard to maintain the relationships i share wif pple ard mi nw, sometimes mayb too hard. Sure it takes 2 hands to clap, n the sad fact is rarely but definitely, im the onli hand trying to do so. Enemies or friends or neutrality? I am confused. The prelims r a month away. The stage that i wish to truely show my true worth. Am i even worth my place here? Or otherwise? My reluctance to go to class persists...

As time passes, it seems as though im a person as before. No achievements, no revision done, onli games played. N to think i have the nerve to post a post. The time: 2322. Haven done anything at all today except an essay n juz realised that my mum n bro truly r biological w/o any doubt. They both possess to ability to do insane things in an instant when they r angered. My elder bro, he laughs weirdly. But well at least he laughs. Aint the most conducive environment ard in my hse but i shall make do n donts out of it. Wonder hw i gona do fer my prelims. Planning to get a scholarship of some sort so that i can ease the financial burden on my parents, but goin by the way i am doin nw, it doesnt look v optimistic. Having said that, i beta stop typing further. Prolly play a few more mins before shutting down this tormenting yet enjoyable machine. Thats abt it.

This is my family. From my perspective, I live under the same roof with a father who is stubborn on retaining some old mentality, an older brother although illustrious yet weird, and a younger brother whom i suspect is goin to have to resort to psychological treatment soon. Coupled with another younger brother who indulges in exposing the "illegal" deeds of others and exaggerating them and of course my mother who thinks that my A lvls are akin to a life and death situation, I feel as though my life is in disarray. Well, mayb the problem lies with mi. However, after countless reflections, I feel most of the grievances which I have hidden in the bottom of my feelings arise from their existence. A good friend of mine once said that one's family is sacred to one and that none of them should be criticised in one way or another. Sry pal, u hav led mi well in the past. I will remember ur words and perservere fer s long s i can.

Hmm...as the days pass...my determination to do well in the final hurdle seems to fade and rekindle at times. Despite numerous failures in attempting qns frm past yr qns, I still hav to try to console myself to continue this long and hopefully fruitful journey. Sometimes I feel as if complacency is getting in my way, and it seems to mi that it is partially the case. My sixth sense picks up smthing tat mayb one of my friend likes one of the gals in the class. Hmmm...my sixth sense isn't usually wrong n ive gt quite a strong certainty abt it. I seem to be wondering aimlessly...without a direct goal...confused yet certain...welcome to the realm of destiny...

A hectic period has become history with another bio test yet again gone. The mood among my class males r picking up and that's a gd sign. Somehow i feel s thou we hav gone bak to the good old days. How i wished i could hav the mutant ability to read other pple's minds...hmm...alrite that probably would not do this world justice if onli i had it. Won a little game frm a little quiz today. On one night in the past wk or so, told one of my friends who i had a crush on and the fortunate(lol) gal was quite a close friend of his too. Well well the emphasis is HAD, probably, and hopefully. Shalln't put much thought in relationships s I hav said earlier and somehow i feel that pressure is mounting and the onli way to shake some of it off is to go school. Something ironic if u had known abt my huge dislike for educational institutions which unfortunately emphasise more on conformity than individuality. Well there can never be another time like the one im experiencing now. The thrill of taking ur A lvls...well smthing like tat. How i wish it would be over soon, just like thousands of people always would do so ard this time of the yr. Somehow time will juz breeze past, and before u know it, u r on ur own once again. Classless. Somehow once again, juz like how i felt like in secondary 4, 2 yrs ago, the phobia of losing my classmates has resurfaced. Albeit not s strong s the previous time probably due to partial immunity, I fear that the phobia within will onli manifest....until i break down...until that fateful day...