Merry Xmas, merry xmas and merry xmas. Your M E R R Y X M A S was the best. :]

Tap tap. 0241 is the time. The onli reasons y i m still awake at such a late hour at home is either im too happy or juz the opposite. Most of the time sadly, its the latter. I m starting to tink im a jinx. Ungentlemanly, immature, insensitive, tactful. Hmm...familiar huh. Yep tats mi i nearly forgt. My camp training in the army has juz risen by a level or two. Now every week we hav sm sort of outfield training bt at least the gd pt is tat we hav 2 more wks in which a holiday is situated in. Did a 9km rd march followed by some last minute casavac. One-to-one. Prolly its the slack regime before tat caused mi to b tired out for the first time in months. Months u gt tat rite. Set aside training. A little of myself. Perhaps....my flaws r haunting mi agn. This time wif a vengeance. My eyes r nw squinted. Face wrinkled rdy to curl up to slp. Occasional yawns accompany the typing sounds i make on my keyboard apart from random noises in the silent night. My heart is heavy. Very heavy. I dunnoe y bt my heart relly feels heavy. Mayb it aint a metaphor after all. I can feel many knots, entangled and untangled, untangled n re-entangled.

In my hands r cards. The house is forcing me to go for a showhand. Should I? They say the house always wins in Vegas. Well, I aint in Vegas anyway. My cards aint gd, mediocre, bare, average, and probably making the mark of...pathetic. No hesitation about whether i wan to play them all down. Soon. Real soon.

Tick tock goes the clock. 0300 hrs. My jaw hurts from the yawning. My throat shrivels at the lack of moisture. N my limbs cry out for zero exertion. My mind slips between the realm of the conscious and the unconscious. The past week's events has been like that. Surreal yet reality. What am i doing? Questions burn.....and continue to......

My family went to m'sia and I'm all alone at hm boohoo. Bking in ltr this evening makes it worse. In addition nxt wk's confinement makes it beyond worse. Sometimes I dunnoe y i m so lucky to hav her by my side. Sry i let u down. I promise I will change for u.

Last wk i failed SOC. This week i failed to gt ippt gold. nxt week wat will i fail? Wat abt nxt mth? or the nxt yr?
Mayb in the end i will fail life. Yay. So much fer all the studying i've done. Onli to fail everything. Wat can i nt fail huh. Hmm...mayb i can nvr fail to nt fail. Cool. Whine n whine puny mi. Tats wat u do best. 9 words of fail in 5 sentences...Nice. Wait. Enchanted was nice. The kiss of the one you love is the most powerful thing in the world. Is there relly no such thing s happily ever after in reality? Or is there even happy? Fer mi?

Founder of a totally brand new disease,
Ailment soughts nvr to cease.
I am not really exactly proud of this,
Looking pathetic is my piece.